


evil socialization.

by valvet



Category: Doom Patrol (TV)
Genre: Awkward Dates, Crack Treated Seriously, M/M, McDonald's
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-26
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:14:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25538617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/valvet/pseuds/valvet
Summary: mr nobody and red jack go to mcdonald's. i said i'd do it and now you have to suffer for my hubris
Relationships: Red Jack/Eric Morden
Kudos: 3





	evil socialization.

Eric Morden vehemently hated going out to restaurants; from all the things he could hate, it hate to be them, they always had a mixed smell to them and usually had some of the most obnoxious and moronic people he ever had to even think of. However, Red Jack did, which was something he never thought of; Eric had figured it out while browsing through his thoughts one day, a cup of tea in his hand and had taken notice of the amount of Mcdonald’s Coupons he had, a scary amount actually--which lead into a rabbit hole of knowing that he went to them when he could; would proceed make everybody feel awful and then leave.

Really, he should've laughed at that information. But at that, Eric had decided the only logical conclusion was to play into it; after all, it had been awhile since they had seen each other properly; and why not treat half of his polycule to something? 

Usually a grin on Red Jack’s face meant something was about to go down, but this time it wasn't him about to stab a man (not yet of course), it was out of genuine happiness that he was going to the worst fast food chain imaginable.

“Do you ever so complete me!” A hand was placed to Eric’s, “I have to admit, for all the things you’ve ever done this has to be one of your more...sweeter gestures” Now that was just upsetting, now that Eric thought about it.

“I know what you like, that's all” Jack laughed, kissing his hand with a delicate touch.

“Mr Morden, give yourself more credit than that--but that's besides the point isn't it? The question is, which Mcdonald’s as they call it, do we go to?”   
Eric couldn't resist the idea to go to one with a ball pit, he knew how god awful they were; smelt awful and were rarely cleaned most of the time, not to mention just how bad they were as a whole, he never had the chance to actually go to one to dine, most of the time he just ended up near one, a horrible place that only people who hated themselves would go to. That, he definitely did.

“Morden, look at these! They have little newspapers!” They hadn't even gotten in the building and Jack was already all over it, he had decided to shove all of the magazines into his pant pockets and made his way through the door, Eric wasn't the type to judge another person what they wore, but the man was wearing a cape like Superman, expect worse. 

The look on the employees face at Eric was more of a reaction though, considering he was all jagged, but they were not alarmed at Jack though--oh, now he definitely had to amp it up, Eric knew damn well he wanted attention from this at least, public appearance were far in between, and people should be terrified of him and not just put off by him. 

Jack, unlike Eric, seemed to be having the time of his life, with a confident grin, he went up to the counter with him.

“Hello uh, welcome to Mcdonald’s what would you like to order?” the employee asked, and Eric couldn't help but dig into his head, a sad teenager who went to the local high school--boring. 

“Yes, to order...Morden what would you like on the...menu” Fuck, he looked up and felt his eyes burn slightly at the god awful neon lighting they had for a “menu”

“Give me just a cheeseburger, mhm, a vanilla milkshake as well”

“No fries? Morden, how could you forget about the fries! I’m getting them for you, add fries to Mr. Morden’s order” 

“Uh..alright” The employee was definitely feeling the effects Jack had on people, that being mildly uncomfortable. Jack grinned, patting his hands together.

“Now, to my order, i would like your finest extra large fries, twenty pieces of those Mcnuggets and a Sprite Pepsi--”

“What?”

Oh, now this was good, Eric decided to move away from them, this had to be watched, not interacted with. Red Jack tutted the employee.

“Have you never heard of a Sprite Pepsi? A young thing like you must know what i speak of! It is a horrid mixture of Pepsi’s soda sprite and their main product the Pepsi--not the diet one that one is bad. It is horrible! I love it dearly, and it would be quite nice if i was to have it in my possession” Eric tried not to laugh at him--well not at him, he adored Jack, but the concept was funny, albeit if he wasn't as constipated emotionally he’d be suffering from second hand embarrassment. The employee looked around, then at Eric, then at Jack.

“I mean, you can do that at the soda machine! We give you the cup and you can make your uh, Sprite Pepsi!” The customer service voice obviously came on, Jack laughed.

“Oh thank god! You know, if you were to refuse me my drink I'd take it from you--but that's besides the point; that is what I desire” he then took out a fistful of coins (British currency probably) and placed it onto the counter. “Thank you for your service, when this building is covered in blood, I will spare you; good day!” 

Eric was put on duty of actually paying, centuries old British currency wouldn't work with this machine, but forged money does! Once he came with the food, Jack looked up with hungry eyes, snatching his fries and nuggets before delving into them like it was the last supper, the horrible napkins they gave out at all of the tables on his lap and neck, the man was using a fork of all things to eat the nuggets.

“Have you ever actually eaten here?” he asked, Jack chuckled.

“Morden, of course I have! My favorite place to dine is this horrible establishment, albeit the taste of the pain here is slight, but to overfill it with blood would just be cruel of me to the physical food.”

“It's not even food though! It's just a bunch of paste and meat slapped together, i can’t even eat those damn fries without wanting to vomit '' Eric stated before reluctantly eating the cheeseburger, it wasn't the worst, but Outback had better.

“That's the point! I’m more of a human flesh type of man, they taste quite nice, but this type of misery that comes from this? Oh--it is to die for” My _ god _ .

He loved him so much.

“Ah whatever, I’m not one to judge i suppose, i don’t really eat anything--i have no reason to” The White Space was a funny thing, it could make you horrifically irritable, and horny but being hungry for food wasn't a part of it--sure hungry to cause problems, but never actual meals. 

“Mr Nobody!” Eric put a hand up.

“I don’t have to actually eat, I’m not suffering from an eating disorder--not anymore but you know that” It was only during his early adulthood that he would go a week without eating, once he got an actual job he decided to indulge himself again in food, but those two years worth of taking awful jobs that made him starve himself just to seem more attractive to see if he could flirt with a women to marry her defiantly did something to him. Jack thought it was delicious though.

“Sly devil you, are you going to give me a heart attack before this food does?” Eric laughed, a genuine one, not an evil one that he’d force out.

“I don’t think you have a heart, now do you?” He shrugged.

“If i did, i would've given it to you the first time i had heard of you, Mr Morden” Well shit, Eric felt his face go flush at that, and Jack definitely could tell the effect it had on him, his hand grasped at Eric’s. 

“Maybe, perhaps i already have”

“Oh shut up, when are we burning down this place?” Jack slapped his hand--man had a good hitting hand.

“Now now, it's all about the slow burn. Currently the employees are incredibly uncomfortable by my performance earlier on, and us as a whole, by the time we leave well...it will be burned down. By their hands of course, the screaming and the flames...it will consume this establishment and it will be both of our faults--isn't that wonderful?” Or they could do it now, but Eric just smiled.

“I guess, fills out my quota for issues causing for the day” Jack wrapped his hand around Eric’s tightly, a death grip for sure.

“Christ and the agony Morden--I can taste it already” finally, he kissed him, on the hand but it was something, it was needy and desperate--which was something Eric never liked in most people, but coming from him of all people? Oh, he’d allow it, he craved that type of weird intimacy. Eric put his free hand to his face; laughing.

“Don’t be such a drama queen! Really, if you want to kiss me, kiss me proper” Jack rolled his eyes, putting Eric’s hand to his face, really, he was the only one who properly understood what he meant; he knew damn well that he was repressed, but at least Red Jack of all people got it, he could figure out what Eric meant with his harsh words.

“Not yet; patience is key Morden” At that he stole Eric’s half eaten burger, bringing it over to his side of the table.

“Oh you motherfucker! That has my spit all over it you idiot!” He half attempted to get it back, but Jack had already put it in his satchel; at least it was still wrapped.

“Hush up, you weren't even going to eat it anyways, I’m going to go shove all this food down the toiletry system, would you like to help me with it?” 

Thus they did, the building ended up getting closed after rats began to infest the building. 

And people said dates to fast food changes were not fun.


End file.
